A "Pirates of the Caribbean" themed experience is planned, where the taxpayers are repeatedly robbed by a motley crew of miscreants.
In a blockbuster deal, an obscure federal agency has granted Disney the rights to develop the White House and Congress as a new FantasyLand Theme Park. "In an effort to reduce the federal deficit, we've created a new federal income stream by granting Disney the rights to monetize the daily activities of The White House and Congress as a unique theme park."
A spokesperson for the deal explained, "Since much of this activity is already theater, it's a very easy transition." What's new is the theme park will offer public access and participation in activities that were previously conducted behind closed doors.
The plan calls for a variety of interactive experiences visitors can choose, much like rides in Disney World.
Initial plans include:
1. A warehouse filled with $1 trillion in fake cash so visitors can revel in just how much money the federal government spends annually on interest on its debt, and an even larger warehouse containing $1.8 trillion in fake cash--the sum the federal government borrows every year to fill the slop-troughs of special interests conducting business under the cover of "healthcare, education, defense/war" and keeping the stock market propped up.
"We'll have briefcases with $1 million in cash so people can feel how heavy it is," the spokesperson enthused, "and a stack of $1 billion in cash--one thousandth of $1 trillion."
2. Join congressional and White House staffers as they crank out social media posts and tweets that create the illusion that elected and appointed officials are serving the public interest. According to the press release, "Visitors will get to experience the melding of info-tainment, entertainment, virtue-signaling and fantasy in real time" as staffers cloak the actual self-dealing and auctioning of influence with narrative control.
3. The parallel universe of political theatrics and circus acts will be staged to be interactive, so visitors can be filmed as they pontificate, self-righteously virtue-signal and blatantly misrepresent reality. "The concept here is to include circus acts and song-and-dance routines in with the political circus."
4. Visitors will participate in the "sausage-making" of lobbyists writing congressional bills and regulations to serve the interests of their corporate clients while elected officials pocket the proceeds of political contributions and insider deals.
Visitors will get to apply these same tools of influence to their own finances, for example, crafting language that gives a tax break to "occupants of 123 Broad St" and adding regulations that limits competition to their own business.
5. A Pirates of the Caribbean themed experience is planned, where the taxpayers are repeatedly robbed by a motley crew of miscreants representing Big Tech, Big Sickcare, Big Defense, Higher Education, Big Processed Food, etc., philanthro-capitalist foundations and NGOs, and assorted public officials masquerading as "the law."
"What's absolutely unique about this new theme park concept is the artificial realm will be more authentic and honest than Washington's phony show of serving the public while enriching themselves and their cronies," the spokesperson said, shortly before they were hurried off stage.
This is an April Fools post.
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